i was so scared of getting my feet wet, i caused a flood in another part of the world

words have betrayed me today
it sounds so small, so pithy
when you say it out loud
no word i have said today
or in the past
has captured how
the smell of the air changes
how all your body weight centers in a single aching point in your stomach
how it isn't even ache but a deep seated rot
how cold your finger tips get
and how your ears burn
how sound travels slow to your ear
travels slow from your mouth
how your throat gets blocked as if with cement
and to swallow even your own saliva makes you sick to the stomach
how the shivers come and go
how it is hot when it is cold and freezing when it is hot
how to explain this?
look at me, describing the damn weather
but really
it always looks like rain now
but you don't know what that means, do you
you don't know how i hate the rains
the last monsoon i spent alone
as i will this one
o wait
that's the best way to describe it
perhaps
it should tell you enough when i say...

we didn't even get to watch the rain together.