and just when i thought all the jet lag was gone, i find myself shaking awake at 3 am with this panic in my head about the website's sitemap. it's all wrong, i think, and i know what's wrong with it, but now that i'm really awake i don't. and so on this morning goes, flitting from memory to memory and eventually it all goes back to the one that started this whole new life in me. the time in which i surrendered to the monsoons, when i let myself stop capitalizing or spell-checking, when i slept only so i could wake up, and then vice versa, and the memory of a pale green glass bottle and glowing fruit. all this from a goddamn sitemap.
i've been accepted by the university. it was a few weeks ago but good lord it took time to sink in. but i don't want to go just yet. there are things to do over here i will finish, but next year, when it's all finished and i have no strings floating between me and this city, and the white-on-blue signboard by the bus stop doesn't feel like gravel in my eyes, i'll be gone. just like that. current status: trying to overcome through the tedium of incessant memory. kundera would have a field day with that sentence and probably tear me to shreds and make me watch in awe while he did it.
because i've become so literal now. and it's what i like about the new writing in this world, that you're allowed to be literal, and simple, and just say it without dressing it up and no one minds and someone might even hug you for saying it like that. that last part hasn't happened of course.
it's 3 am, i'm drunk again, you're heavy on my mind...
dave matthew's wrote that.
and now it's 5.30 and the morning is waking up.
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