fuck me

sometimes the mind is loved
and the body violated
in the same moment

how odd this dance

is the body wiser than the mind
does it know
does it know how this will end
does it feel it will be more damaged
how dare it feel it will be more damaged
the mind wills and even feels
never fearing
the body
shameful coward
recoils

so i recoiled
once, often
from you

i could never lean in and whisper
fuck me
in that way
barely share the small secrets
that make men lovers and make lovers a solace

i could not go to the toilet
with the door open
when we felt
grey haired
chopping vegetables
humming to each other’s breath

i could not
open my body
like a book
turn page upon page
and let you make notes in the margins
to remind you
of the story
and who you were in it

how odd this dance
alone in your bedroom
shoes kicked off
hastily stopping when the key turns in the door

he is here
and now, i am not