goregaon swings and bulbul blogs

fuck, see, this is what i had to say that i couldn't/didn't. (thanks v for reminding me.)

i can get into a really really bad mood if i'm wearing a skirt but i'm not in skirt-wearing mood. and if the chappals are the wrong color, then you can just throw yourself into a sack in a river and forget about it. and the thing is that no matter where i am, i want to be somewhere else. it's this restlessrestlessrestless squarepusher kind of beat in my head that keeps my toes moving and fingers shaking. it's tough but it gets easier to tolerate. but when you tolerate something for too long, you tend to stop realizing it's even there, like the goddamn elephant in the room you walked around for so long, you can't even see it anymore. so then you keep seeing the effect but you forget the cause. why do i walk around in wide circles when things are close at hand? why does it smell like elephant poop in here all the time? who knows? people ask you these questions but you're bloody stumped. and you get convinced there are no sane answers and obviously there's something wrong with you. and people, they only see what you show them, poor things. so how can you blame them for swinging from the elephant's tail but not seeing it? it's filling the whole room! it's too big to see! so they swing away and keep asking all these questions and you start walking in wider and wider circles and pretty soon everyone is convinced you're cuckoo in the head. and then maybe in a way you are, because you're clawing your eyes open but you've still got this goddamn tunnel vision. surely, that's insanity. and insanity is so unattractive after the initial novelty factor.

well my chappals are still all wrong and i can see it now, but the novelty for you finished a year ago. 365 days of saying, save him from you, save him from you, let him be the tattoo on his neck. 365 days of this mantra i internalized and NOW you ask me what i'd do?

really.

i would, i did, i have, i will.
i couldn't save me from myself, and the elephant ran a bit rampant around the room, but that's another story. there are tons of other stories, none of which we'll get into, because see i'm doing the saving here. and this time i'm committed to save you from me. and me from you, and me from me, and i'll even save you from you if i have to! (if i can.) us from them, them from us. keep choosing your pronouns. i'm a superhero man.

haha. ok i know i'm silly. but i'm not that silly.