random, unstructured thoughts been floating in my system too long, need to be put somewhere for careful mulling over later

in the creative arts, are there some jobs that require one to be more male or more female than others? e.g., as a woman writer, is it best for you to give even your male characters a female voice, ensuring you never let the characters take over your message, your voice? and maybe as a cinematographer you need to be a completely gender neutral voyeur (because any scene plays out as if in the absence of a witness), showing your ability to capture a moment just as-is?

as a writer, should you be afraid to create subversive characters for fear that people will think this is you projecting your secret bad habits, traits, and depravities in the style of those "my friend has a question about masturbation" queries in newspaper sex advice columns?

as an artist, should you be embarrassed to understand even the basest of human traits (or inhuman traits)... isn't that your job?

does someone of my economic standing, upbringing, and social background have the right... have the NEED... to be feminist? is it a wasted pass time, a hobby, an indulgence? or is there yet some function left for feminism to fulfill? no i'm not talking about the non-urban society where feminism is only another word for still fighting for equality and they haven't quite gotten to the point where it becomes more about superiority. here, today, now, in my life, is there a point? is there a purpose?

the tortured artist cliche... isn't it time for it to be done with? what if the themes of an artist's works are dark, disturbing, morbid, whatever, but he finds joy, peace, comfort in creating them... is that wrong? why does it sound morally ambiguous to even suggest it, to even put those words in the same sentence? how can we assume all artists are masochists doing this not for the creative satisfaction, and onocertainlynot for the money or fame, but because there is something in them that compels them to eat themselves inside out one piece of art at a time? doesn't THAT sound more absurd?

is happiness a creatively unproductive condition? i find it isn't so any longer... how? what changed? when did this happen? it isn't anything conscious i did, i know, so what happened??

why would the universe change something so fundamentally critical inside me and not even give me the tools to comprehend it? what's the point then??!

yags, have i become one of THOSE people?

the bechdel test... really? is this THE test? is this it, the measure? really??

ok, done for now, more later.